Don't Keep It Bottled Up

Why is it that everytime something happens you're hit with the same advice: "whatever you do, don't keep it bottled up inside." But why? Do we have to yell everytime we're angry, do we have to be comforted when something breaks us down? Why can't we be self-sufficient? There are so many problems we keep to ourselves on a daily basis, so why is it that we can't solve all of them by ourselves?

I came home today to find my dog nowhere in sight. Okay, no problem she probably just found someplace to lay down, right? Not exactly. Today, November 16th, 2006, my dog sunny was put to sleep. To anybody else it wouldn't be a big deal, but to me, this was one of my very first animals. She was a puppy when I was a kid, and so we grew up together. Now, we did have due cause to put her to sleep, but it just doesn't matter when you see her little food bowl sitting on the counter because she just wouldn't touch her kibbles and then think to yourself that she will never touch it again. Nor does it help to see two leashes sitting on the stairs when you know now you will only use one.

I guess part of the reason that I miss her so much is the fact that I've finally realized I will never see her again. I'll never pet her. I'll never scratch her belly. Never again. No matter how much I wish to look at her big brown eyes, she'll never come back to me.

I thought about this, and then I just sat on my bed by myself. It occured to me then how ridiculous it sounds for people to ask you to talk about things like this with them. It may not do me any good in the long run, but it felt nice just to be there without anyone else. Maybe it was because I have the option of talking to people if I really want to, instead of thinking I'm bound to suffer through whatever it is at the time alone. I don't know, and maybe I'm just not meant to, but I do know that everybody handles things differently. Personally, I think I've found a way to alleviate any emotion I've ever felt just by stepping onto a stage. My problems aren't huge, I must admit, and I have no intention of becoming an actress, it just helps me to know that when I perform something, I can be anything, I can be anyone. As long as you have the ambition and the emotion, you can create an entirely different personality whenever you want to. You can bottle everything up and whenever you have a character the requires bitterness or defeat or just whatever, you reopen that cabinet and pull out that highly concentrated formula you've kept for so long. Granted, it isn't right at all to keep everything you've ever felt to yourself, but when you have the right friends, you don't really feel an obligation to, either, or so I've found.

Maybe it's something and maybe it's nothing, but anything can happen, and now I think I've found a way to deal with that.